


what NOT to do at the avengers tower

by spiraetspera



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Multi, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 03:06:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2051175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiraetspera/pseuds/spiraetspera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following rules apply and concern everyone living at or/and visiting the Stark Mansion (aka, the Avengers Tower). Even Darcy Lewis. Especially Darcy Lewis.</p><p>Signed and approved by:</p><p>Director Nicholas J. Fury</p><p>One chapter, ten rules + a lot of comments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I was completely enamoured with X-men Evolution, I had both the chance and luck to read a fanfiction revolving around rules, and the student scribbling under it. Now, using the same style, I wanted to try this on the Avengers, later adding Peter Parker, Sharon Carter and Betty Ross. 
> 
> ENJOY!

 

 

**The following rules apply and concern everyone living at or/and visiting the Stark Mansion (aka, the Avengers Tower). ~~Even~~ Especially Darcy Lewis.**

**Signed and approved by:**

**Director Nicholas J. Fury**

 

 

**1) It is not "funny" to hide Dr. Banner's glasses.**

_Thor: Methinks I saw who had done the crime._

_Tony: Traitor._

 

 

**2) Please stop bringing former soviet assassins to SHIELD, just because "they looked lost".**

_Steve+Clint: THEY did though!_

_Natasha: (◡‿◡✿) Former, he says._

_Tony: I worry about you sometimes._

 

 

**3) Coffee is a privilege, not a right.**

_Coulson: Barton._

_Clint: Fine, I'm going back to the circus._

 

 

**4) The Hulk does not have lice.**

_Bruce: It doesn't even have FUR._

 

 

**5) Thor is not a viking.**

_Darcy: He could be though!_

_Jane: What even...?_

 

 

**6) Maria Hill is a highly-trained officer and agent, not your babysitter.**

_Hill: FINALLY._

_Steve: That also applies to Phil and me._

_Tony: We know. You are just our annual dosage of patriotism._

_Steve: That's right._

 

 

**7) Be nice to Parker.**

_Peter: I am a broke college student._

_Clint: EXACTLY!_

 

 

**8) Stop trying to put fridge magnets on Bucky's arm.**

_Bucky: I know who you are, and I know how to break an arm in forty-two different ways._

_Pepper: Do you actually.... count the ways?_

_Natasha: Yes._

 

 

**9) The last candy bar is either Miss Potts' or Romanoff's.**

_Peter: Am I missing something?_

_Darcy: Yes; Matriarchal democracy._

 

 

**10) Sam Wilson is a national treasure.**

_Steve: SAM._

_Clint: You are in, Falcon._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter; enjoy! I also take suggestions and headcanons ;)

 

**11) Here is a small, but helpful hint: If you don't know what a button is for, do NOT push it.**

_Darcy: ONE TIME._

_Natasha: The lockdown lasted for six hours._

_Darcy: BARTON PUSHED ME._

_Clint: DID NOT._

_Darcy: DID._

_Betty: Why do we even have that button?_

_Steve: I GET IT!_

_Natasha: Lever, Steve, Lever._

 

 

**12) "For the vine" is not an excuse. No exceptions.**

_Peter: So that's why you needed my costume...._

_Tony: We didn't have the chance to finish it, because some shitty rules._

_Coulson: Whatever you are thinking of doing: don't._

 

 

**13) "YOLO" is not an excuse. "On va voir", also not.**

_Bucky: You are an idiot, Steve._

_Steve: Says the man wearing Natasha's hair ties._

 

 

**14) Do not change each other's codenames.**

_Peter: Stop "Itsy Bitsy Spider" 2k14._

_Thor: HAHAHAHAHA, most excellent!_

_Steve: Whoever started "Star-spangled booty" must be stopped._

_Bucky: (*spits drink*)_

_Steve: Watch out, Bucky Bear._

_Fury: I SAID STOP._

_Peter: Thanks, eyepatch ;)_

 

 

**15) No food wars. I am very serious.**

_Betty: I am still washing lasagna out of my hair._

_Bruce: Sorry love, I aimed at Barton._

_Pepper: ... And I was the one who actually hit him. Thank you, thank you._

_Clint: HAH GUESS WHO' S THE ACTUAL WINNER. HAH._

 

_Bucky: Hope that nest is very high, Barton._

_Sam: Not high enough._

 

_Natasha: HE IS MINE._

 

 

**16) No loud music.**

_Thor: No mortal should resist the power of ABBA._

_Darcy: Jane, did you-_

_Jane: Don't._

 

 

**17) Being an Avenger does not get you a discard.**

_Peter: Shit._

 

 

 

**18) Halloween costumes must be approved by either me (Dir. Fury) or Agent Coulson.**

_Pepper: So no real-life lightsabers, Tony._

_Tony: You're no fun._

_Sam: Cap, wanna go as Pentecost and Hansen?_

 

 

**19) STOP ASKING SAM TO FLY YOU TO PLACES.**

_Clint: "I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!"_

_Sharon: You were screaming, Barton._

 

 

**20) The Hulk is not our mascot.**

 

 


End file.
